ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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