i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the gays at disneyland are vicious
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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