I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
