we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Alive.
So much puke
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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