I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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