i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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