I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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