Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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