hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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