M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize