Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
