My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize