i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
