Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
