Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
how does that bad decision feel?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
