we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
