I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want nice things and good sex
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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