I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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