theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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