I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
