I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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