some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
