Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
