I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
