I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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