i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize