I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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