put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
