also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
