He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
