You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
