Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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