I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
