This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
