So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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