So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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