he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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