Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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