He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
