I'm eating all of the evidence.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
