I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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