Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Success! We fucked roommates!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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