just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
