dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my liver is dry heaving
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
