Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
