Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
