it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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