Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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