I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
