she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
