Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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