Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
