come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
