I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
