just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
