Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
