I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
