they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
