Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize