My first STD was from a foam party
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
