Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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