you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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