she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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