i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
