your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
