I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
