My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
