Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize