Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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