i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
