So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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