Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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