All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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