I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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