there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
