I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
