Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
