i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
