My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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