Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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