You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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