I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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