Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
