Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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