3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
