he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
