Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
