im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
