Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
