I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
