I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
