My first STD was from a foam party
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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