i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize