I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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