K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize