omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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