I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
