i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize