people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
