at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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