i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
