youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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