If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
