Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
