You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize