I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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