I think my fart just growled at me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
