Little spoons don't ask big questions
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize